There are many ways that I expected to spend my birthday. But bleeding from the face was not one of them.
But in order to get that story, you must first of all listen to what else I did for my birthday. So nah nah nee nahh nahhhh.
But it was awesome. I went to the Barossa Valley in South Australia and sampled Australia's finest wine in the sunshine with a mass amount of food.
Then to top it off I saw Jimmy Barnes and the Rolling Stones live in concert. Yep. Insert jealousy right here. I got to listen to one of the greatest rock bands, with the scent of marijuana in the air, and the taste of beer on my taste buds. Happy birthday to meeeeee. I then went to Wollongong beach with my two best friends. Gahh it was perfect. I had a whole pizza to myself on the way. Because I don't care if I get fat and I live on the edge.
But you are probably wondering about the whole beating thing.
So a friend of mine came to my house because he wasn't able to come to my party or go to the beach. He came here and then ate the one thing in my fridge I was actually looking forward to eating. I know, rude. Also, he insulted my favourite character in one of my favourite tv shows...but I shall let that slide..
Anywho. I was simply minding my own business. WHEN SUDDENLY THE BEAST FROM WITHIN UNLEASHED ITSELF AND GRABBED MY PHONE AND BEAT ME IN THE FACE.
All I could say was "ouch".
Until the blood began to pour.
YES POUR I SAY!
Or perhaps it trickled. But the adjective is not the important thing here.
He beat me.
On my face..
My beautiful face.
And as my friends know. My lips are big enough as they are.
They don't need no bruising or swelling.
That would look ridiculous.
So after I had applied life saving first aid to myself, I managed to leave the bathroom (my refuge), and venture out into dangerous territory.
There my attacker was. Sitting on the couch. Pretending to look innocent and guilty.
Me: So... can you make me dinner?
Him: You aren't serious....
Me: It is my birthday. And you have ABUSED ME
Him: haha...ha...ha.......
Me: Violence against women...Australia says no.....
Him: Fine.
So he made me dinner :)
But then. Something amazing happened. My perfume bottle that I keep on the bench near my front door fell to the ground and smashed.
Out of guilt he picked it all up and threw it in the bin. In doing so, the perfume trickled down his hand onto a burn he had acquired that day. And then proceeded to scream like a little girl..
Naturally I felt so much better :)
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