The worst date ever

Having been blogging for a year and a half now, I am starting to become confident that I can pick what blog material will be a success. Unfortunately it always has to be something either embarrassing or highly controversial.
This story doesn't really fall into either category. However, I feel you will all appreciate the laugh and perhaps relate to the struggles of dating and the single life.

I apologise in advance if the boy involved in the following is reading this. Because he was indeed a very nice and funny guy. But as you will learn, he just wasn't for me.

Here is my recollection of the worst date I have ever been on. And I have been on some doosey's.

Firstly, I met him on Tinder. Which I know kinda speaks for itself. But in my defence, the conversation was really great and we had a very similar sense of humour. Being 21, I decided I would start looking for an older guy. Perhaps at the same stage as me. So this guy was 26. Let's give him a name. He shall be known from here on as Roberto. Because why the hell not.

So I had met up with Roberto twice by this stage. Once to officially meet and make sure he wasn't going to murder me and stuff me in his floor boards. And he also came to a party I hosted at my place. Both successful interactions.

Then one day I was at work and got a message asking what I was doing that evening. I had no plans.

Roberto: Can I steal you away for an hour or two?

Sounds lovely

Me: Sure, what time were you thinking?

Roberto: Pick me up at 6:15?

Um what?

Me: Yeh ok..I can do that

So after I got over the fact that I was being the guy for the evening, I ventured home, got ready and began the drive to his house

*phone rings*

Me: Hello

Roberto: Hey, what you doing?

Me: Um driving?

Roberto: Cool...cool...so listen...

Me: yeh?

Roberto: My friend wants to meet you, so this is going to be a double date kinda thing

Me: Oh ok, thats fine

Um, It wasn't

Roberto: Yeh my mate went on Facebook and he made a status that said 'which chick wants to go on a date with me tonight' and so now this random chick is coming

oh the classiness

Me: Oh this should be interesting then

Roberto: Yeh then we can all go to laser tag!

How romantic.

So I arrive at his house on the dot. He comes out the front and informs me he has made a dinner reservation at a local restaurant (which happened to be where my ex had taken me on our first dinner date, awky). But the reservation was in an hour and a half. Which meant plenty of time to meet his mother.

A bit soon aye...

But his mother was really nice (and normal) so that was okay. We had a chat and then eventually Roberto and I headed to the restaurant. Keep in mind that this is quite a nice restaurant.

We arrive and immediately get a phone call

The friend: Yeh bro you here?

Roberto: Yeh bro

The friend: Bro I really need a ciggy before we go in. It's been like a whole 20 minutes

Roberto: Yeh sick bro

My date, a gentleman and a scholar

So his friend turns out to be a 19 year old. And rather underdressed. As is his date. And Roberto. I on the other hand looked fabulous ;)

So in we walk. And I shit you not. We were looked up and down.

Ignore it Sarah.

We are shown to out table. And it begins.

The friend to the waiter: Hey Bro!

Dear God.

The friend: Bro!

Waiter: Yes sir?

The friend: Where's the bin bro?

Waiter: The bin?

The friend: Yeh bro, I need to spit out my gum

He gets up and spits his gum out in front of the whole restaurant.

Roberto: Haha! You're sick bro!

Kill me now

So we start to look at the menu...

Roberto: What the hell. This is in another language or somethin

The friend: How are we meant to know what to pick?

No really. Someone decapitate me.

So I ended up choosing for Roberto. After he gave me his strict dietary requirements of no tomato, seafood or spinach. Good thing we were in an Italian restaurant...
The food arrived after enlightening conversation on the time they bought an inflatable pool, inflated it at the service station, then proceeded to go river rafting.

Roberto: We were so wasted bro!

Or the time they went bull riding. On a cow.

After taking one look at his meal, the friend STUCK HIS HAND IN THE FOOD AND PICKED SOMETHING OUT AND INSPECTED IT

A cyanide pill...does anyone have a cyanide pill?

I tried to strike up conversation with the Facebook status girl. We got as far as her unemployment and quest for work. But at least she was obviously as miserable on this night out as I was. Well she probably wasn't, but she certainly wasn't having fun either.

Waiter: So does anyone want dessert

The friend: Well...

Me: ...No thanks

*waiter walks away*

Roberto: So what do we do now? I've never really done this before. I reckon we have to go up to the chick at the front and pay.

Me: *signs to waiter for cheque*

Roberto: Oh shit, look at this one.

---

The friend: So what are we going to do now? Laser tag?

Roberto: I don't know bro

Me: I have to get up early for work, so I might head off

The friend: oh lame

Me: Yeh, but Roberto, feel free to stay with these guys

Roberto: Oh nah nah I'll come with.

After another ciggy sesh we said our goodbyes and I drive Roberto home. Music blaring. No opportunity for conversation.

Roberto: Did you have a good night?

Me: Well the food was good?

--

So that was the end of the night. I have received two texts since. Shame. We were obviously destined to be together forever.

At least he paid for the meal? It's the least he could do considering I can't go back there.

Oh and just so you are aware, out of courtesy, I went on Facebook to see if I could somehow prevent him from seeing this post. Because it wouldn't be a nice read for him.

AND I HAVE BEEN DELETED.

Must have been my bad manners when I declined laser tag.