The first time I shaved my legs

I have missed you my darlings. Enjoy xx

So where do I start?
I guess I start with a girl named Kristen. The blonde bombshell of fifth grade.
We were sitting down after the bell rang in our class lines and she pulled her leg out and said "feel this". So I did. Obviously.

"ooh smooth!"

"yeh I shaved it..."

"Really?.."          People my age are doing this?

"Yeh, I shave every day! I just have to!"

WHHAAAAAAAT? But look at all of MY little blonde hairs! There are so many!

I have to do something about this, I am behind on the times!

So I did the natural thing. I talked to my mama. Just slipped it into conversation whilst on a long drive.

Me: *puts legs on dashboard* so....do you think I should start shaving my legs?

Mum: *looks at blonde nothing hairs* there is nothing to shave. One day they will be thick and black. There is no reason to do them now.

Me: But my friends areee!

Mum: No Sarah.

So once again I did the natural thing and ignored my mother completely. Took an old razor of hers which was probably rusty and decided to take matters into my own hands. With no water, with no shaving cream, I hacked at my legs.

I bled.

Oh boy did I bleed. Have you seen Underbelly razor? They weren't fooling around. So much blood.

Almost more than the tattoo artist told me I would when I drunkenly visited a parlour in America.

I laid down on the floor.

Naked.

Shower running (steam for effect).

And I wailed.

"Aaaargghhhhh!"

No one came. I waited a good 2 or 3 minutes.

Come on Sarah. You can do this. This is your time to be Meryl Streep.

"AAAAAARGGGGHHHHH!"

Mum: *knocks on door* What?

Me: "Oww.."

Mum *opens door and sees sorry excuse for a situation* wha..?

Me: I fell!

Mum: What?

Me: I FEELLLLL!!!

Mum (registered nurse and veteran of the epilator and shaving legs for over 30 years): you tried to shave your legs.

Me: Whaaaaat? Meeee??

She was a good sport. She saw the wreckage that was me naked on the floor pretending I slipped over on nothing and still provided first aid. After that she bought the hair removal creams that were on the market. Which smelt like death. And eventually she taught me to shave my albino pale haired legs. I feel like I earned it though ;)

xx Sar.