Did you know I have a friend whose mother wanted a daughter so badly she just kept having children? She now has seven boys. No girls. And I know for sure I would do the exact same thing. I would be good with a girl. I'm not saying I wouldn't be good with a boy. But I have just always pictured a little girl. So I thought of a nice idea, where I would write my future daughter a letter with advice etc from my younger self. Because who knows what kind of grumpy adult I will grow up to be haha. And who knows, maybe I will write one to a future son. If this one turns out okay.
For my daughter on your 13th birthday,
I wonder what your name is! Because I have a few names in mind that I have had for you for such a long time. But I suppose in my maturity I have changed them or perhaps your father wanted something else. But knowing me I put my foot down. After all, I did birth you. Which is an argument your grandmother didn't use anywhere near enough on me. I BIRTHED YOU!
At thirteen you are becoming a woman. And I hope your childhood was everything you wanted. I know at this point in time I would love you to be a little ballerina or perhaps a little soccer player. But I promise that I will never shove those things on you. Even though seeing you in a tutu would make me so happy lol. Do you still use lol? It means laugh out loud... just in case...
Now I am going to give you some motherly advice, now, whilst I am not a mother. Because at the moment I am right amongst it all. And I feel I have some useful things to say.
In regard to boys.
Now I could spend forever advising you on this topic. But I will give you the basics because I am sure by the time you are reading this I have a lot more knowledge on the subject. And have been yabbering on about it for years.
1. Don't spend hours trying to decipher what a guy is trying to say to you in a message. 9 times out of 10 he is not playing games and he is just saying it how it is.
2. Don't be in a rush! Which is a total waste of me saying. Because I know I would have ignored that completely. But boys will always be there. Enjoy childhood with your girlfriends :)
3. Boys will always call you names. From 5 years old and into adulthood. Just remember who you are. And I hereby consent to you throwing heavy inanimate objects at them. You are welcome.
In regard to sex.
I feel like people tip toe around this topic. But if people aren't open about these things kids end up sneaking around and getting into trouble. So here is what I am going to say.
Sex is a normal part of being a human being. It isn't disgusting. It isn't wrong. But it does have to be safe and in the right circumstances. Be sensible when you start to explore that part of yourself. Because it is so much more of an emotional thing than you may think. I am happy to discuss any questions you may have. And I really hope we have the type of relationship where you wouldn't feel too scared to talk to me about this sort of thing. I am here for you my baby girl.
In regard to education.
It is important. Very important. However, after high school, you can do the rest of your studies at any time. You aren't thrown into adulthood as soon as high school ends. You can explore life a bit and what it means to be a bit more independent. But overall, don't worry if you have no idea what you want to do! Because you are going to spend your whole life doing it. I will tell you a secret. I have no idea if I want to be a nurse for the rest of my life or if I want to go back and learn new skills. Nothing is stopping me from doing either of those. Just be happy and use this time to learn about you!
In regard to beauty.
Thirteen is an age where I think you have every right to start exploring yourself and the look you want to choose. And although I want to vomit at my blue eyeshadow and silver lipstick phase, it is all part of who I became. So I will start buying you makeup. And I will allow you to shave your legs and dye your hair. But if at some stage I have to step in and say no to fish-net stockings etc, it is because I love you and mama knows best. Remember that for the next few years, because this stage of your life is a constant battle between mother and daughter.
I hope you are a happy girl and that the biggest stress in your life is that you don't know if a boy likes you back or what you are going to wear on the first day of school camp. Because you deserve so much happiness. Even if you are no where near existing in my life. I just want the best for you. So know that I am already thinking about you and that I have every intention of doing the best that I can for you.
Much love, your mother at age 22.
Sunday, 12th April, 2015
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